The search for our ivory cloud.

Dear Blog,

(I dont know it seemed like the right way to start this)


Well, great news, Mom and I had our appointment at Kleinfelds this weekend and we found a dress. I believe it was dress number 7. I'll be darned if I can find a picture of it though.

We started out the day with a Bagel. Mom got up early and grabbed breakfast for us. Then she and I went to the hair salon, our favorite. While Mom was getting her "wash and blow" I went and got my eyebrows done. Ive been trying to thicken them. Give me a softer look.

I grabbed a redbull, we threw on some makeup, and then we 3 were off. Jonah led the way since he knew the area better than I. We got there and I was completely a ball of nerves! Its such a big day. Trying on the "most important dress of your life". Im going to say I agree with this statement because what other dress holds that kind of weight in a normal womans life?


I was also nervous because if you know me you know I detest being the center of attention. This dress will be the dress that all the most loved and important people in our life will see me in. It's a vulnerable kind of thing.


Anyway, we walked in and it was really neato inside. We took a seat and waited for our consultant to come get us. We got Sarah (shes on the show). She was pretty cool. I asked her a lot of questions about herself and her wedding/honeymoon to mask my nervousness. I was already nearly naked and I needed a distraction.

Dress number 7 was the lucky one. The first one I tried on was the one I thought I had always wanted but it made me look...old. Really old. So I threw that out and told Sarah Im open minded, let me see what ya got. So she brought in a few and there was one that I really like but the 7th one got me even while on the hanger. The flow was pretty and soft. It was feminine and garden-esque.


Sarah then brought out the big guns, a flower for my hair and a veil. I was sold. No tears. Not from Mom and not from me. Just a sense of satisfaction that we took care of this part of the wedding.


All in all it was a nice experience. When we got home we toasted to the dress and the wedding with a very special bottle of Dom Perignon that Mom has been saving for a special event. She even got she and I engraved flutes.


Jonah is curious, as he should be. Soon enough...

Sobering reality that Age brings

Everyone has a BS limit and I believe the type and amount that you are willing to deal with changes as you grow older and wiser. I made sure to throw "wiser" in there because I dont assume that people who grow older always grow wiser.

I have learned a lot about myself these last few years and I believe its because my life has started to fall into place. I have a great job, I live in NYC which has been a dream of mine since I was a kid, I have an amazing loving family, and I'm engaged to the most wonderful man. Not having to worry about all of these things has left me a lot of time to discover myself.

Being a psych major, I am a firm believer of constant self improvement. I struggle with keeping in touch with friends. The people that I generally keep in contact with are my parents. Everyone else is emails and Facebook. I understand that its impersonal. I don't require a lot of attention and Im not very good at keeping in touch. I've lost contact with a lot of great people because of it.

Ive come to realize that I am the type of person that attracts people that need help. I am drawn to them. Maybe I have a deep seated desire to feel needed. Maybe because I feel broken I try to fix people. I don't know yet why I do this. I remember doing this even as a kid. People that have a lot of drama or people that are less fortunate, I cant help myself. My favorite cartoon character as a kid was Eeyore. Go figure.

I became good friends with Jonah because he needed help. He had a broken heart and I am just a sucker for these kinds of things. Eventually he got over the break up and our friendship flourished into love. He is not a person who requires a lot in normal circumstances. That is why he and I worked.

The problem with picking people who require a lot of attention or constantly need help is that I had been drowning for years and only had my family to depend on. I make my family a priority because they have made me one when I lent out my life vest. I take full responsibility for all of this.

Sometimes you have to save yourself before you can save others. I honestly believe we were made to help others but you cant unless you help yourself first.

Im selfish and unapologetic right now. I need to be. If it isnt positive or isnt capable of being positive than it isnt for me any longer.

Lace.

Lace. I think its one of the loveliest things the world has to offer. When I think of the woman I want to be I think of lace. So pretty. So delicate. Very romantic. Very feminine. A little European. Men might wear silk but never lace. Lace was made for a woman.

There are some women I think we're made for lace. An example would be Marion Cotillard in the movie Nine. In fact when I saw her in Public Enemies and Inception I thought the same thing. It's not the way she looks but who she is.



I've always felt that lace was sexier than silk. When looking for undergarments Ive always preferred and felt prettier in lace. It feels a little rougher on the skin than the other fabrics but just adds such a texture.

Ive always been cotton. Never lace or even skin. Cotton. Cotton is sturdy and reliable. It's tough, can be washed any way without being damaged. Hot water. Bleach. The fabric stays in tact. Lace shrivels up in extreme circumstances but not cotton. Anyone can pull off cotton. I'm glad to be cotton but for one day in my life I want to be lace. Holes and all.

I may be cotton on the outside but secretly I'm lace inside.