Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sobering reality that Age brings

Everyone has a BS limit and I believe the type and amount that you are willing to deal with changes as you grow older and wiser. I made sure to throw "wiser" in there because I dont assume that people who grow older always grow wiser.

I have learned a lot about myself these last few years and I believe its because my life has started to fall into place. I have a great job, I live in NYC which has been a dream of mine since I was a kid, I have an amazing loving family, and I'm engaged to the most wonderful man. Not having to worry about all of these things has left me a lot of time to discover myself.

Being a psych major, I am a firm believer of constant self improvement. I struggle with keeping in touch with friends. The people that I generally keep in contact with are my parents. Everyone else is emails and Facebook. I understand that its impersonal. I don't require a lot of attention and Im not very good at keeping in touch. I've lost contact with a lot of great people because of it.

Ive come to realize that I am the type of person that attracts people that need help. I am drawn to them. Maybe I have a deep seated desire to feel needed. Maybe because I feel broken I try to fix people. I don't know yet why I do this. I remember doing this even as a kid. People that have a lot of drama or people that are less fortunate, I cant help myself. My favorite cartoon character as a kid was Eeyore. Go figure.

I became good friends with Jonah because he needed help. He had a broken heart and I am just a sucker for these kinds of things. Eventually he got over the break up and our friendship flourished into love. He is not a person who requires a lot in normal circumstances. That is why he and I worked.

The problem with picking people who require a lot of attention or constantly need help is that I had been drowning for years and only had my family to depend on. I make my family a priority because they have made me one when I lent out my life vest. I take full responsibility for all of this.

Sometimes you have to save yourself before you can save others. I honestly believe we were made to help others but you cant unless you help yourself first.

Im selfish and unapologetic right now. I need to be. If it isnt positive or isnt capable of being positive than it isnt for me any longer.

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