Sunday, November 27, 2011


The last day of twenty eight. Running into the last year that I will be a twenty-something. I had a list of thirty things to do before 30 but I lost the list during one of 8 moves I made in the last 10 years. I know that I accomplished a few things on that list and there are some things that I doubt I will be able to do. But, I think I would like to make a few goals for this last year and see where I end up next year at this time.

If you haven’t gathered, I’m a goal maker. I’ve always been interested in making goals for myself. I believe you should always be working towards something to promote personal growth. The goal doesn’t have to be big, it can be something as simple as using better vocabulary words. But even the smallest of goals will push you each day. We weren’t put here to just survive.

This year I would like to learn sign language. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I’ve always thought it would be neat to know. You never know when it will come in handy and plus if Jonah learns it too we will have our own language since it’s not common among our friends and family.

I would also like to learn Bangla. My husband is Bengali and when we are around his family that is what they speak. When they speak to me they speak English but they speak Bangla all other times. So at the table or at parties I have no idea what their saying. It can be pretty lonely at times. I need to learn so I can participate. Also I will be able to teach my children Bangla.

I would like to continue to lose weight. Next year at this time I would like to be down 50 lbs. Health is so important and I believe that my chances of staying healthy will increase dramatically if I can shed the extra weight. This will also help with one of my goals in my thirties which will be to have a baby.

I would like to take a class for credit to further my education. This probably won’t happen until the end of the year due to financial resources but it will be a goal of mine that I hope to say I’m closer to accomplishing next year at this time.

Last but not least, we need to start saving money. This is a big one. We are in a tight situation which doesn’t allow any money to be put away. Even before our current situation money was tight. We need to be able to save at least three months salaries, just in case. If we had an opportunity to do this before than we wouldn’t be so worried right now. Things are going to get worse before they get better. The economy has not been the kindest to most and we are included in this. Save money. I don’t know how we will do this one. All other goals have been easier to accomplish. This might include me taking a weekend job for a while. Nights aren’t possible for me, I get out so late. If I could do the weekend thing for about 6 months I think we would have a good start.

I’m really not sure how we will pull off our honeymoon at this point. I’ve heard of people who plan it later and never go. I don’t want that to be us but with money the way it is, it’s not looking promising. The money we got for our wedding had to go towards bills unfortunately. Maybe we will have to downscale our honeymoon. Whatever we do will be great, we just want to vacation together, alone.

Now that you see I have a lot to work towards, help me. Make sure you encourage me and remind me what I need to do to accomplish my goals. Once I post this I will have put it out into the world and I will owe it to myself, and you, to work my hardest.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

They're sick and our hearts are breaking

There is no gift more precious than a baby. We had three this weekend. However when they are sick its hard to really enjoy the incredible moments.

At first it was just the boys with their ear infections. Ear infections are very common in our family. When Eddie and I were kids we consistently got them after our colds. Even today I get them and have no idea I have them. I sometimes will go in for a physical and when they look in my ears, after making the usual comment about all the scar tissue, they will tell me that I have one and does it hurt. Sometimes I have no idea. However the really bad ones, well let’s just say those are the days I beg God to take me early.

The tough part is babies cant communicate the pain like kids can. Kayla coughed and told me it hurts when she coughs. Okay, shes sick and now I know what to do to help her. The boys, well they are too little to tell me and obviously they are holding their ears because they are infected. But its tough with sick babies.

Kayla woke up last night crying and crying. When I picked her up to cuddle her, I thought she had a bad dream, she was hot to the touch. Kayla was not warm but hot. Even her little piggies (toes) were hot. We took her tempature and she was running 102.2. Ouch. Its 3am and we have one sick little princess on our hands. So Uncle Jonah ran to the 24 hour pharmacy on the corner, thank God, and got her some Pedia Care. They were out of baby Tylenol. Seriously? OUT??? Anyway, it worked. I cuddled her to sleep and held her tight as she slept it off.

The boys had fevers throughout the day but they had prescribed meds for their infections. They wanted to be cuddled and loved the entire time, which I loved. But my heart broke for the little guys. They just weren’t feelin’ it. We should have had them stay home this weekend. They should have been resting. I guess we all didn’t know they would get worse this weekend. Lesson learned. It felt nice to love them when they were sick and it hurt too. Im exhausted and my head did not stop pounding.

Jonah quit his job. Turns out it was a form of pyramid scheme. Why can’t people be more honest? Why can’t they just come clean and say hey this is what it is, if you wanna be a part of it let me know, if not there’s the door. At that time, before wasting all of his time and not getting paid for it he could have made his grand exit. So, back to the drawing board for my artist. We are really hoping he will find something in his field, broadcast, film, writing,music, entertainment. What a tough field, eh?

Overall a rewarding and exhausting weekend. No sure how Beth, Ed, and Daddy-O do it. Hard job to love so much and run after them. Miss them already and praying that they will get better before Thanksgiving when we see them again.
p.s. So, you know how Jonahs middle name is Scissors? Maybe I should change mine to “Rock” that way I can win every argument by default. Your thoughts? I can do it Friday when I go get my name legally changed. Haha (It’s a joke… unless we are arguing that day and then it will happen)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Watch out Hollywood...

Nebraska called me the other day and asked that Jonah rock my world a little more gently, their feelin’ quakes. (My attempts at a goofy bad joke). I am very proud of my husband. He is doing such a fantastic job in his new job. Even though im not a huge fan of his new job, for a lot of reasons, he is doing a great job there. He works very hard for us and I really appreciate it. Not only that but a film he wrote the soundtrack for made it into a film festival, “White Rice”. He is so very talented and Im very blessed to be a part of his life.

We went to the screening this weekend in NYC. We had a really nice time. It was in the Tribeca Theatre and the showing was at 4:20pm. We took the bus, per usual, but this time there was no inappropriate groping, at least not by a stranger. My husband on the other hand can always be counted on to sneak a grab when he gets a chance.

The viewing was great. There were several friends that showed up for support. There were several short films shown at the same time. Ben said a few things at the end giving Jonah a shout out which was cool. It was nice. There was a cool lounge at the Cinema that we hung out in afterward and then off to Chinatown for dinner for some white rice. Fitting right? We didn’t stay the night because it was just too expensive being that the NYC marathon was this weekend.

So its official, the darn clock is ticking, ever so lightly. I have been having dreams about having a baby or holding a baby or having a sleeping baby in my arm. We are hoping to wait a few years before jumping into the big responsibility. I really think a decision like that needs to be taken seriously. Life will never be same again. You will never be able to just get up and go or sleep in on the weekends.

There is a whole new definition of “clean” for your home. We clean our house but with a baby around clean is sterile. Boiling bottles and making baby food. Eating differently for the breastfeeding. Free time will be different. Drinking too much isn’t okay when you have the responsibilities of the baby. There is a girl in the news now who has no idea what happened with her child because she drank too much. Its considered abuse. You wont be able to do this for a really long time. Not that drinking means that much to me. Ha! But its something that I do now that will need to change.

Bringing a baby in to your home is big and should not be gone into lightly. Now if God blesses us with a baby before we planned we will be thrilled to pieces! I believe every new parent should be required to take parenting classes before being able to take the baby home and take a test showing that you paid attention. Why? Because its not always a natural instinct like they say it is. There are things that you are told by friends and family that is incorrect. Bad advice. Your family deserves better than that. Being informed is key. Any parent that says they don’t need it is crazy. Whats the harm in being informed?

I have made some goals for myself before we start trying. I want to be at a healthy weight to carry a baby. I want to develop a healthy diet plan as well so that the baby gets all the nutrients it needs to develop. I want to take a few child development classes. I have taken a lot in college but it will be good to review and learn more. I want to take another big trip besides our honeymoon. I don’t know where yet but somewhere romantic and adventurous. I want to buy a home. We have a two bedroom now but I would like at least a 3 bedroom. I want to develop a nice little nest egg, want to be comfortable.

Its very possible none of the goals I have set will happen and we could have a surprise next month! Haha! But Im a list and goal maker. I would like to develop myself and us before bringing in a child. So until then I will continue to take the babies (Kayla, Landon, and Luke) and learn as much as I can from them. I take this seriously because if you mess up raising your children you cant take it back. That child will one day be an adult and that will be their past. They will one day be a parent and they will raise their child with their childhood in mind. Its so very important. Raising your children is most important job in the whole world.

Anway, its Sunday and we both have to work. Kinda stinks. But money is tight now so I cant imagine not having a job so I will work whatever day I need to so I can keep up with my work load.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Week one: " Hey Jonah, can you believe we're married?"

Now that Jonah has this new job we see each other less, as most of you know (I have been complaining about it for a while). We spend Sundays together and Saturday nights. This weekend I had wanted to celebrate Jonahs birthday, go to dinner and get him a new tattoo for his sleeve. Well we didn’t end up doing that this weekend.
Jonah wanted to go to a haunted house. He has never been to one before. The fun thing about my Husband is that he loves scary stuff but gets so darn scared he can barely take it. So he wants to do it but cant take it. He was a real hoot.

This particular haunted house was in Dulles, not too far from where we live. When we pull up we enjoyed the sounds of cracking whips and screaming. You could see the nervousness in his eyes. He tried to pull it off like he was cold. It was chilly but not that chilly! We had to wait for our living social deal to come through so it was more waiting and watching people run out of the house screaming. I enjoyed watching Jonahs mind race.

It was finally our turn and Jonah made me go first. He literally hid behind me. The first guy jumped out at us and yelled at Jonah, “Why did you put her in front”. Then that guy yelled to the rest of the guys in the house, “watch out boys, he’s using her as a shield”. Haha! It was fantastic. Jonah thought he would try to get in front again and then just couldn’t. Hilarious.

When we got out I jokingly said to him, “you’re my husband! You’re suppose to protect me”. He said, “Not from fake danger”. So there you have it folks! Fake danger does not warrant protection. Haha!

On Sunday we went to the mall and got mini massages and checked out our 10% of registries. I used the recycled program from MAC and turned in a few empty MAC containers and got a beautiful lipglass! Its bright pink! I adore it! Jonah also bought me a new pair of bright raspberry,sparkly flats. They are so pretty.
Did I mention that we cheated on our diet for the week after the wedding and now we are back on. We ate everything our heart desired and I was reminded why I enjoy our diet, I felt sick all week. So glad to have gotten that out of our system and looking forward to dieting again. I never thought I’d say that. We have made our new goals and are excited to reach them.

We are trying to decide on whether we will take a mini vacay on Thanksgiving weekend (my birthday weekend) or to do the family thing. It might be nice to get away since we are taking the delayed honeymoon. We’ll keep you posted. Also gotta work with our travel agent on the honeymoon plans. We are so excited about our European cruise. Amazing.

I turned my cell phone off when I got home on Friday and turned it back on this morning. Its been nice. I figured if it were an emergency than they would call Jonah. I have a sneaky suspicion that I have been thrown in to some drama, as always. Its funny, when Im not around to defend myself I get blamed for all kinds of things. No one approaches me, they all assume I have done it, said it, thought it. Ya know what, assume on! Im so tired of the constant defense. I have done it, said it, thought it, etc. Bah! I cant win and Im not going to try to win anymore. It was me.

Looking forward to this Halloween weekend. We have no idea what we will be or what party we will attend. We wanted to go to New York for Maryssas epic party. But since we are going to the big film screening the following weekend in New York we are going to skip out on this weekends party and find trouble here in DC. For those of you who haven’t heard, Ben made a short film with their production company, Wayward Revolution, and Jonah made the music for it. It has been accepted at a big film festival in New York so that’s the screening we are going to. We are so excited. Im so proud of Jonah and the boys. Lets hope it gets awesome reviews.

That’s all folks!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Eat, Drink, and be Married!

We did!

"What does it feel like?" That is the question I get most often. How do you answer such a funny question. We have lived together for a few years now. I guess its more secure. I already felt like we would be together but now there is nothing to worry about I guess. I couldnt tell you what I worried about before. I dont know. But now I feel like I worry less or perhaps Im just so relieved that the wedding craziness is over. I dont know. I feel at peace, like this was Gods plan all along.

So the details, you know I do this for my own memory sake!

First lets start with the big day and I will throw in hightlights of the rest at the end.

October 15, 2011: Officially Mr. and Mrs.
We woke up at the inn, the beautiful Wisteria room. The walls are lavander and the bedding is white. Very crisp. It was chilly and perfect. I rolled over and saw my best friend laying there and it seem hard to believe that this was the day that we had been waiting for. This day would be one of the biggest memories of our lives.

It's strange knowing ahead of time when something, an event or action will change your life. If you think about it, most times something changes your life you dont know until it happens. But now you wake up and its there, in the pit of your stomach. You tell yourself, remember every moment this is important. What you eat, who you speak to, time on the clock all matters today. It's eerie.

Jonah and I decided to stay together that night instead of apart. We put a lot of thought into this action. I finally decided that I couldn't imagine not waking up next to my best friend on the biggest day of our lives thus far. Boy am I glad we did because in the middle of the night I woke up with a very sore throat and I was chugging ice cold water. My brilliant other half said, "No, Dear. You need a hot cup of tea. That will sooth your throat". He was right. The hot tea did the trick so I could get back to sleep.

I jump out of bed and open the curtains to see if we have rain or shine. Shine. Beautiful blue skies. I can feel Gods smile, his warmth. So we hurry and get ready because there is a big group breakfast at my Moms cabin this morning and Jonah still needs to drive all the way to Richmond to get Brandons tux and I need to get my nails done.

We arrive at the cabins and so many smiles, so much love. We felt blessed to have everyone there. I grabbed my little sunshines, Kayla, Landon, and Luke, and we all ate with everyone. It was fantastic. Then off we flew in separate directions.

Lynda, Kelly, and Jake were awesome at finding a nail salon that actually wanted to help us. We had some difficulty but eventually found one and I got some awesome one on one time with Kelly. I got to squeeze in some girl talk in the car with Lynda. It was nice. Ive missed this. Jake was so calm. What a great guy.

We got back to my room and my Dad was waiting there. He had a present for me. He had refinished my childhood/teen mirror from my bedroom set. He wrote me a letter talking about how the mirror had been there to help me get ready every day of school, drum major, dates, prom, and wanted to help me get ready for my wedding day as well. It was so touching. Very meaningful. He had redone the wood work and matched it with my current bedroom set. Such a beautiful and thoughtful gift. Exactly what I needed from my Daddy.

I took a quick shower and Jake started my hair. Man did he do an awesome job. I loved it. While he was doing that people started to show up. Beth, Kayla, Aunt Annalisa, Ingrid, the photographer, but not my make up or my Mom. Poor Mom was at home trying to give the ring bearers, Landon and Luke, a nap and bathed for the big day. She was stuck. I refused to put the dress on without her. She was so panicked because she was scared that she would miss it. I would never let her miss that.

Jonah finally dropped off my makeup and I did that while I waited for Mom. I must admit I did an awesome job with my makeup but I left my MAC lipstick I bought for the day at home. I used some plum on my eyes and tried to hide the fact that my spray tan made me look like Snooky.

Mom showed up and looked gorgeous! Her dress was perfect. She rushed and we started to get ready, she and Kelly helped me get in the dress. Kelly was so calm and collected the whole time. That was great, we needed a calm person.

Once I got in the dress Eddie and the boys stopped in. They all three looked so handsome. Just perfect. Got to talk to Ed a little and then the photog had us girls go take our pictures out front. I ran into my asst on the from porch and she started to cry. It was still very calming, very nice. I had a million photographers out there taking pictures. Heather, Ingrid, Sammi, etc...

Ben, our best man, delivered my wedding gift from Jonah. It was a sweet bear dressed in a tux whose heart beats. Very cute. Beth, the maid on honor delivered my gift which was a leather bracelet with our wedding date on it.

My big brother Rich walked the Moms down the isle to be seated. Such a handsome usher. He had blue hair and shades on. Seemed fitting. I loved having him there. Meant the world to me that he made it against the odds.

It was time to line up for the big walk. We had the girls go down the isle to somewhere over the rainbow/what a wonderful world by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo Ľole. I came down to "The Light" by Sara Barellas. I walked down with my Dad and it was so nice, my shoes did get caught on the dress somehow but no one noticed. Jonah looked so handsome and nervous. He looked very timid.

In that moment I had to remind myself to pay close attention, this was big. I was looking around and smiling at everyone but I needed to pay attention to the beautiful man at the end of the isle and when I did I saw how completely handsome and breath taking he looked. Then I couldnt take my eyes off of him.

Preacher asked if I would take Noah to be my husband and I said No, but i'll take Jonah. Then he continued to call Jonah Noah the whole ceremony. Jonah corrected him and he still struggled. It was funny but a little disappointing. We exchanged our self written vows and rings and before we knew it we were married! It was sweet.

Photos, dancing, food, man the night flew by just like the day. But it was all beautiful. We enjoyed great friends and family members. We had the most amazing signature drink, Pumpkin Martinis. Everyone loved the food and drink. Uncle Jim was our rocking DJ.

We said goodnight to everyone and waited until everyone left before going upstairs.

*Such a beautiful rehearsal dinner. My Dad, Patti, and Jay really hooked us up. It was beautiful. There were white Christmas lights strung, the food was amazing, it was beautiful. Better than I imagined.

*We were late to our own rehearsal because we had to get the marriage license. They almost didnt give it to us because my DL was so faded. We also showed up in jeans and I looked like Snooky. Spray tan accident. Bad bad bad. Before dinner I showered and got it off of me. Got all dressed up.

*Mom and Terry were such big helps with the kids but more than that planning the entire event. It was thanks to them that I was so calm. They both took the burden for me.

*Lots of people RSVP'd but last minute a bunch of them couldnt come. They were missed. Thats the problem with having a wedding out of town, you should just assume that 1/3 of the ones that said yes wont be able to make it.

*Me, the family paparazzi, couldn't find batteries for my camera!! My biggest regret! I wish I had my camera! There are so many things I wanted to take pictures of and couldn't.

*Kaylas flower girl dress turned out pretty nice thanks to Jonahs mom. She fixed it up for us. Still wasnt $80 great though.

*I wish I had more time to spend with everyone one. There were family members I hadnt seen in YEARS. Aunt Beth I hadnt seen since I graduated high school! I would have liked to have spent more one on one time with my parents and Jonahs parents. You're so busy it just isnt possible.

When I remember more I will post. But thats it for now. I need to clean our house. Yuck. I had living like this. I will be hiring a maid. At least until our busy season is over. I leave at 7am and get home after 9. I dont have time to keep it up and I cant stand the mess.


Friday, October 7, 2011

At heart, still a little girl.

Marriage is tough and it begins with the wedding. I think it’s a test. If you can get to the big day without breaking up then you have earned your way into a marriage. My goodness this time has been trying. Last night we prayed together before bed and, aside thanking God for all the beautiful things he has blessed us with, we (tearfully) begged for a break. It’s exhausting. I, now, know why people take a honeymoon. Too bad that’s not in our stars. We knew by planning a wedding during my busy season my time off would be minimal.

Today I had a quiet moment. I was playing with my hair, just running my fingers through my hair. It felt so good, like when I was a little girl and my mom would play with my hair. It’s just so soothing. I missed the simplicity, being a little girl. As I was sitting there in a daze, playing with my hair, I realized that not a lot has changed. I am still a tough cookie on the outside but vulnerable inside, except now I feel like lace inside instead of jelly.

I still need my Moms opinion and reassurance. I still want my Dad to think Im the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. I still want a boy to know what color my eyes are and know all my favorite things. A boy who thinks Im pretty without makeup and in sweats. I want a little attention now and then. To be doted on for 10 minutes or so. I want to spin in a beautiful dress. I want to guess my future and believe it’s going to be exciting and bright. I feel like Im playing house.

Today I wore this outfit my Mom bought me and I feel so girlie and pretty in it. Just like a little girl. In tights, ruffles, lace. I think as I lose more weight I will do more of this. Become a little more vulnerable. Normally I am kind of frumpy. Maybe its time for me to be pretty.

I don’t remember dreaming about my wedding as a kid. I don’t think I ever played bride. There was a time when I was convinced I wouldn’t marry because I was afraid I would change my mind or I wouldn’t be a good wife because of my bouts of depression. I didn’t want to hurt anyone especially someone I loved enough to spend my life with. Walking away has always seemed easier then watching someone you love be destroyed and knowing you’re the blame.

Last weekend before the wedding. I have a very unrealistic to-do list especially since its all done via Metro and bus. Should be interesting. One of my friends from work and I are going to get our hairs did. Then we need to get Jonahs wedding band, grooms men gifts, shop for a new dress for the rehearsal dinner, get my make-up done and buy it so I can do it myself, work on the favors, work on the photographers list, work on the music list, work on the videographer list, pick up some of the girlie stuff… Just not enough time.

The flower girl dress better be at my door when I get home. So I order this beautiful dress in the beginning of August on It was a little pricey. It wll be custom made. Very cute. I was told I would get it in the middle to September. Its now October 7th. I told her it better be in my hands on October 7th and she said it would be… so I guess we will see. The scary thing is that I went to her etsy site and its empty now. She use to have pages of dress and now it looks like shes out of business.

Can I just say, its been the attire that has been the toughest and suckest thing this whole wedding. I cant seem to catch a break here. Easiest thing, baby tuxes. Those boys are angels! They knew they needed to be easy for Aunt Megan. Love them.
So, whats in Megans future after the wedding? Good question. Im going to pick a country we are visiting on our honeymoon and spend a month learning about them at night after work. I will be purchasing the rosetta stones and receipes, books,visiting museums on the weekends. I might even try taking Piano lessons on Saturdays. Finish the kids scrapbooks! Making a home with cool craft ideas. More time with my babies!

I wont miss the excitement of the wedding because I will have lots and lots to keep entertained. Let me just say that all of this will happen after I sleep for 48 hours straight and a spa day. That will be the mini vacay.

How ‘bout the boy wonder you ask? He just got a new job that he is absolutely fascinated with and is working his way to the top. He’s working long hours and weekends so that he can climb fast. He will make good money to save for his production company and a nest egg for us. He is doing really well over there and Im ridiculously proud of him, even though I miss him tons and tons. This is something that makes him feel really good about himself and they love him over there (not as much as I do).

I have included a picture of part of my staff and myself. They surprised me with a Bridal pot luck. Very sweet. Im the one in the crazy veil/glasses/ and umbrella. Enjoy. I certainly did. Great staff. I love the for their big hearts.

Monday, October 3, 2011

lessons learned

October has arrived. My favorite month is here and I have so much to look forward to now. The weather has chilled a little, my hoodies are waiting to be abused, and the leaves are starting to turn. I could not be more excited. Jonah loves October too. He likes the season and all the nostalgia it brings. Something about those brisk autumn nights brings out the creativity and romance in us all.

The bonfires, thick throw blankets, pumpkin spice everything. Ah Rocktober, how I love thee. Perfect for a sweater, some chucks, a snuggle, and hot apple cider. It is all love.

I think when God made Jonah for me he knew I would love him even more if his month of birth was my precious October. What a present I get every October until the end of my time, all of my favorite things all in one glorious month. My Grooms birth, my wedding anniversary, my October and its fixin’s. L.O.V.E.

Fifteen days. That’s what it has all come down to is fifteen days. Wow, what two weeks can do to someone. Its coming up fast now and Im ready. The last blog was a little sad I think. I had hit a rough patch. You know, in weddings, there can be more rough patches than you think.

There are people in your life and you may never know how much you mean to them. You may never know that the thought of you missing their wedding just boggles their mind. They cant even imagine you not being there and now that your not going to be there it is what they think of when their mind stops racing for a quiet moment.
There are things that people say, maybe with every intention of being funny, that make you so sad. You cant believe that they could say something so heartless and selfish even as a joke. I will remember to think before I speak, especially to those I love and to those who love me. I wonder if they could see the hurt in my eyes when they said those things or the breaking of my voice when I repeated what they said to make sure I misunderstood what they said. How about the look on my face when I realized I did hear them correctly.

Follow through. Don’t pretend to be dependable if you aren’t. I will not over extend myself when I know that its someone elses dreams at stake. Don’t make commitments you cant follow through on, even something small. You never know what that commitment will mean to someone or how offended they will be when you don’t do it.
I will never let anyone get in the way of me enjoying the people I love and seeing them the happiest they will ever be. No one will keep me from attending all the big beautiful things in life, like watching two people that I love celebrate their love in front of God and the world.

You can get through anything with enough sleep. When I was sleep deprived I have made some really dumb decisions and also lacked the patience that I require to handle the world. No amount of caffeine is equivalent to one good 8 hour night of sleep. Sleep is a cure all.

Though you may have someone on your top 10 priority list does not mean you are on theirs, and vice versa.

What if you woke up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday. Don’t forget to thank God daily. If it weren’t for God then I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here.
If it’s not about you don’t make it about you. There are just some things that you can’t be selfish about. Save the drama for yo’ Mama, not my Mama, Yo’ Mama! Look, drama is not my thing. The wedding is no exception. Some people love it, and that’s cool. Not me. I wont push my drama on others.

Lessons I have learned. There will be more before this whole thing is said and done but Im so thankful for these lessons. I feel so blessed that I have been able to take so much away from this experience. I will be better because of every piece of this celebration of love. From the drama to the unexpected blessings.

Im so happy and so in love. Someone once said that now that you are dating Jonah I have no idea who you are anymore. You’re not as cynical or sarcastic anymore. She said it because she was hurt but it was one of the best compliments ever. I was really depressed and unhappy and then I fell in love. I found someone that I could tell anything to and he would love me no matter what. I am so incredibly lucky to have found him and now to be marrying him.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


17 days to go and the name of the game is Adjusting.

Everyone tells you that marriage is tough but rewarding. Jonah and I moved in together about 2 years ago. We did so because we were moving to New York, a dream for both of us, and couldn’t afford to live apart. I remember the first few months of that were tough, really tough. I took a job that required me to work late and we were in a new town and I had no friends or family there, only Jonah. I remember the range of emotions that I had encountered; loneliness, grief, homesickness, jealousy- just to name a few. Those were only my emotions, I can only imagine what Jonah was feeling.

Jonah had family in town, his best friend lived in town, but his parents were very upset that he moved out and that he moved so far away with a girl they weren’t sure would be good for him. He missed his dog, Muffy, so much. He had all of these aspirations to ‘make it big’ and put so much pressure on himself with deadlines. I know he was lonely. I know he hated his job. He had so much to prove to his parents.
Over time we started to figure out what did and didn’t work for us. Things that we wouldn’t change we learned to work around it. We had to adjust. Living with someone is a whole different world then just dating them. There are no more masks. You learn to shut up, put up or get out.

When I imagined what life would be like 17 days before the wedding I imagined how madly in love Jonah and I would be, lots of kisses and sweetness. When I was in New York I bought a million lovey post cards so that all the days leading up to our big day I could leave him sweet messages and surprises. I would not have imagined that Jonah would get a new job that caused us to see each other so little and tensions would rise in the D-Q home.

Jonah loves this new job. He feels really good about himself and he rocks at work. I’m really proud of him. His work has him coming in earlier and earlier and he works later and later and its getting…harder and harder. I chalk it up to bad timing. But he found something that makes him happy and after the wedding I have to believe it will get better. It just has to, we are a great team.

I don’t know why getting married, something so beautiful, has to be made so stressful. Im in a horrible mood. Im so stressed that my body is acting all crazy. Im taking vitamins and everything else! I haven’t been sleeping only having dreams about paranoia and murder. Go figure! I haven’t even been watching the crime shows and I have been skipping the wine before bed.

I have a lot left to do yet. I have had to cancel bridal showers due to craziness, bachelorette party due to my 1000 dress fittings. I have to work on the music, getting my photo ID replaced so we can go apply for the marriage certificate (good luck finding time to do that!), figure out the whole spray tan situation, go get my makeup done so I can learn to do it myself and buy what they put on, whiten my teeth, organize everything that needs to go with us, pack our overnight stuff for the trip, send out invites for the rehearsal dinner, buying Jonah wedding band, getting Jonah measured for his tux, gifts for the groomsmen and the parents and the kids, and more. Little stuff, but stuff that needs to be done. I still haven’t received some of the stuff I ordered in the mail, flower girls dress, garter belt set, my wedding gift to Jonah.

This weekend I am off to NYC again, Im picking up the dress finally. No more dress fittings. No more canceling things. Now Im on a mission, get the dress and get married. Seventeen days… a very LONG seventeen days.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Did you say 34 days?

If you're wondering what is going through a brides head 34 days prior to her wedding date I might be able to give you some insight. Keep in mind though, I might not be the "normal" bride, but who's really "normal" these days?

Let me start by saying that when you are getting married, no matter how easy going and drama free you are, it will find you. When brides I knew posted that status,
"we should have eloped", I'll admit I laughed and thought 'ah, cant be that bad!'. I was wrong. There have been a few moments where it was absolutely "That Bad". One specific time when I was standing on the Potomac river outside my work and was thinking, I want to swim home. Jump. Get lost. Then I realized that even when I get home the drama would be there when I get there.

Just gotta deal with it head on. I didnt expect all of it. Its one time in my whole life where Im allowed to think about myself. Where I can be a little selfish. I havent been forever. So when my closest friends and family members make my getting married about themselves it hurts. I've definitely figured out where I stand with a lot of family and friends at this point. After the wedding I have a feeling things will be different. Im keeping the peace, as always, but after the wedding I will remember whats gone on here. Just disappointed.

Last night I was making my "guest book". I guess I had imagined the cutting of hundreds of paper leaves to be a little bit more relaxing for me since I enjoy scrapbooking. My Cricut is missing its cord and so I had to buy a leaf cutter. To push this thing down was so tough. First of all it took about an hour and a half, a bottle of wine, and me kneeling on the floor to push it down with all my weight. It was really hard! Tonight I am sore! It was a workout! I kept thinking, "why the hell didnt I just buy this on Etsy". Jonah showed his support by telling me that in the future Im going to look at the art and know that I did it and I will love that i did it. Bah! I could have loved the one I bought too. Anyway, its going to be cool.

People start coming out of the woodwork! People you haven't spoken to in forever contact you and it is awkward. I had someone send us a wedding present that I hadnt spoken to in forever! We were so surprised. I had an old friends cousin contact me and urge to me to reach out to this friend which was totally awkward because the situation is complicated and its none of her business. So attempting to be nice and tell her buzz off was tough. Someone I use to work with and am FB friends with but dont keep in touch with kind of invited themselves. Very strange. Out of the woodwork.

The RSVPs. We sent the invites out pretty late. I didnt really think about how early I would need to let the cater know the number. So I thought I had plenty of time. Not the case. So I gave people about 2 and half weeks to mail the RSVPs back. I feel like that is enough time. But today was the due date and I havent heard back from about 50% of the people. Keep in mind there was an earthquake and a hurricane during this time and the mail has gotten messed up. Im going to have to email everyone now and make phone calls.

Due to drama I canceled all of the Bridal showers. I was really disappointed the way the whole thing worked out. I wont discuss it here but if you're reading this please dont think you didnt get an invite to one, I canceled them. There's a brunch in New York. Im looking forward to that and Im also having a bachelorette party.

There is drama with the bridal party but there always is I guess. One of my employees gave me some advice and I took it- do it yourself. I have asked people to do things and they dont get done and Im disappointed. Im just doing it myself. With about a month left in this journey, I dont have the luxury of making a wish on star and hoping that they get it. Good thing Im in the DC office and it lacks the attention that the NY one did.

I have to order my birth certificate. I lost it last cruise. It is crazy trying to order one online, at least I have really struggled. Cant get a marriage license without it. I finally asked Mom to grab one for me next time she goes back to the area. Just insane. Without that... the whole thing is a lost cause.

Just got to remember the goal has always been to be married to my best friend and in 34 days I will be!

Next weekend we're in New York. Second dress fitting. Looking forward to it.

I think I have gone on enough.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Once upon a time at Kleinfelds...

Once upon a time...

Kleinfeld Bridal called August 12 and said that the dress was in! The earliest weekend fitting date they said they could do was September 17th. As you know the wedding is October 15 so that would be cutting it too closely for my comfort. Luckily they had a cancellation for August 19 and I had taken the time off of work for some other wedding stuff. Everything happens for a reason.

My appointment was at 10am in NYC on August 19th. Mom came into town to go to the fitting with me on Wednesday. I was suppose to go get my hair done on Thursday night, dyed and prepped. We were ready to get out at 6:15pm and of course something went down and I had to stay till 7 and missed the appointment. That just sent me over the edge. I was so disappointment. I havent been able to get my hair colored in sooooo long and the color that it is now, I hate. I feel so unattractive. So getting it colored before the dress fitting meant so much to me. I went home on Thursday night feeling like a total brat because of how disappointed I was.

We had to leave at 4am on Friday to get there on time. We were all exhausted. It was a longer drive then I anticipated. We got there with about 30 minutes to spare. It was perfect. Jonah did a great job getting us to the city safely.

I went in with Mom to try on the dress and Jonah went to Union Square to hang out and wait for us. We got this fantastic seamstress, Anna. She was so sweet. As soon as she came in to the little waiting room with the dress I knew it was mine. It was like I could feel that it was my dress she was holding. What happens is all the seamstresses come out with the dress, call your name, and you go with them to their room. As soon as she entered I knew.

We went in to her room and I got to see my dress again and I was so excited to see "her". Yes, I just gave the dress a sex. Anyway, it was perfect. I tried it on and it was way too big. Mom could stick her entire arm down the back of my dress. It was a great feeling. I still have a lot of work to do but I was pleased thus far.

As soon as Mom saw me in the dress she started to cry. It was really sweet. It meant a lot. I knew that it looked amazing when she was so touched. Anna had to take it in a lot and as she was hemming it up at the bottom I started to feel a little weird. My feet were hurting and then I started sweating profusely. It was horrible. I didnt know where it was coming from. Yes, the dress is heavy and the lights were warm but it wasnt that bad. Then Anna asked me to take a few steps back and all of the sudden I started to feel dizzy. I had to take a seat.

As I was sitting there Mom had a panicked look on her face, apparently I lost all color, like I had a whole lot to begin with! I was going to pass out, the voices were getting tiny. Then I imagined passing out and vomiting or other bodily functions happening in this beautiful dress! That was enough to keep me there. I realized that in all the excitement I completely forgot to eat the breakfast I bought on the way. So Mom ran to get me a snack and Anna grabbed me a cup of water.

It took Mom about 5 minutes to grab the snack and by the time she came back I was out of the dress. As soon as I was well enough to stand Anna took me out of the dress and ended the session. I think she was nervous that I would pass out on her watch. I dont blame her. So we reschedule the rest of it for September 17 and the end of the day. I guess I wont forget to eat if its at 4:30pm.

So that was the first fitting experience!! I will attach a sneak peak...


Sunday, August 7, 2011

69 days to go!!

Sixty nine days until I marry my very best friend. SIXTY NINE DAYS!!! That number evokes such joy..and PANIC! Is everything in order? Could I be missing something?

The things that are still up in the air;

Not all of the bridesmaids have ordered their dresses. It takes 2 months for the dresses to come in. On the 15th we will be at 2 months! We have 2 girls left to get their dress and one has dropped out because she couldn't get it in time.

Flowers for the bridesmaids. Mom is working on them. Im not too worried since Mom is on top of it but Im anxious to see how they turn out.

The cake. The wedding planner has yet to send me the pictures of what they can do.

The dress hasnt come in yet. Its not late but Im super excited to see it again and try it on. Ive lost a little over 30 lbs so far so I want to see how it fits and what I look like in it now. The first time I tried it on it was just a sample. So it didnt fit perfectly and now I just want to see it. I hope I still love it.

Expenses. Thank God we have help! But we still have quite a few expenses that we are budgeting out.

Does my registry look ridiculous? I have never done it before and it seems like there is a million things on there. We went by what all the wedding expects suggest! I hope people don't think we're greedy.

We have the showers coming up. We are really looking forward to seeing everyone.

Do I get a makeup artist? I think so. I need to look into it and see how much it will be.

Okay so enough wedding stuff. Now for an update.

Our apartment is really coming together. I have been yearning for a home. Its starting to look like that.

We are going to a concert this weekend. I wont meet and greet tickets for My Chemical Romance and Blink 182. I won them for Eddie and Beth. For Eddies birthday. Im so excited for them. Eddie has been such a fantastic brother and friend and I wanted something so nice for him! To actually "chill" with his idol. I am so happy that Beth is going to have this experience with him. She is such a great Mom to the kids and I want her to have something exciting and fun. Something really special. They mean a lot to me and deserve it. I made them promise to get something signed for me by My Chem and Blink for our rockstar room and LOTS of pics. It makes me so happy that I am able to give them this present.

Can I just take a moment to say that I am so in love. Jonah makes me want to soar! I am such a blessed and lucky girl. So so happy.

Off to pick up my ring! Its in!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Less than 3 months to go...

Let it be a dance we do. May I have this dance with you? Through the good times And the bad times, too. Let it be a dance.

What a great feeling tonight, sipping on the peach wine and enjoying the flowers growing on the deck. Nature brings me peace, Gods prints in it all. Thats why the garden wedding seemed most appropriate for us.

We've gotten a lot done so far. Today alone we accomplished so much. It was pretty exciting really.

*Tuxedos- I dont know ANYTHING about suits or tuxedos. NOTHING. So today I learned something. We ordered the vests and ties in Olive green and the little guys will wear tails and bow ties. My Dad will wear pink for me :) and Jonahs will wear green for him. Its gunna be fun!! Im really excited. Jonah is going to look so handsome. I cant wait to see him all dressed up.

*My Wedding Ring- We got a great deal. It happened to be on clearance and it was the one I really wanted. Jonah and I have decided to engrave the inside of the rings but it will be a surprise for eachother. We will find out on the day we wed. Lovely. I cant get the picture to show up.

*Vows- I finished mine! They arent long and not complicated. They are sweet and to the point. Cant wait to vow them to him in front of God and family/friends.

*Music- Uncle Jim is going to be the DJ and so we picked the songs we will have played for the traditional dances.

*Bridal Shower- I hear a date and location have been decided on. Pretty exciting. I suggested a zebra print cake with pink border and strawberry mojitos. Im really excited. The only problem is that we have moved a lot and have friends and family everywhere. Unfortunately its impossible to pick a place that is easy for everyone to attend. I just hope everyone can attend.

Other news thats not bridal-

*Our very loved son, Fuzzy, is sick. He is having some issues with his bladder. The doctor thinks it might be Kidney disease which we are really nervous about. He is on some medication and looks all doped up, poor guy. I am really concerned about him. He just crawls up on my lap and sleeps. Hes breaking my heart... and wallet! The vet is MAD EXPENSIVE!!! He is so worth it. Good thing Mommy got a raise! Thats all I got to say. He may single handedly postpone the wedding!haha. He is one of our babies and we are worried.

*Jonah and I have been doing really well on our diet/life style. Jonah has hit his goal!! Back to a 32 waist! And goal weight. Ive lost 30lbs so far. When we picked out the ring I had to keep asking them if they were sure about the size bc it was a size and a half smaller then what I normally wear. We are really happy. Much healthier than New York.

I have been really trying to make this apartment a home. We signed the lease again, kinda, and I want to make it home. We will spend our first year/ half year as newly weds here. Im in nesting mode, minus the pregnancy. We bought some stuff on craigslist and are trying to do this inexpensively. Its a start.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

We’ve been in DC for 3 months now, guess its time to unpack. We weren’t sure if we should stick with this apartment or rent one closer to my office. Truth is this apartment is beautiful and really more space than we really need. But the cool thing is we have a hobby room which we will make into an awesome guest bedroom soon.

Since Jonah is a musician and I’ve always loved all things music we decided that would be the theme of the guest room. We will get a futon from Ikea and make throw pillows out of old band t-shirts. Then we will make curtain by copying album covers onto fabric and patching them on to some curtains. We will also frame some of our favorite rolling stone covers. We will also hang Jonahs guitars on the wall. We are pretty excited about our project. We can only hope it looks as cool when its done as it does in our minds.

We finally cleaned the room out. It was filled with boxes full of boxes and what not. It looks so much better. Jonah has all his recording equipment in there which is pretty messy looking but he has promised me that by the end of the week that will be taken care of too.

I hung some pictures as well this weekend. We need to have them framed but until that good ‘ole promotion kicks in they are just posters on the wall. We really are pleased with our picks.

Jonah had a big job interview this week. I could not be prouder of him. He thinks he nailed it. It was for a screen writer for the government. How cool, right? Im most excited that if he gets it he will be happier than his current position and the benefits working for the government are fantastic. Praying hard.

I went ahead and sent the menu choices to the wedding planner. I had to make a decision and with the guest list being rather large we needed to go with the food stations rather than the table service. Mom made some good points, kids generally don’t eat the meals served and people prefer choices. We went with two meats, potato station, salad station, and asparagus wrapped in bacon. The flowers have got to be peonies. I love them. I could stare at them all day. What a beautiful creation God gave us. I told Jonah, “I don’t wanna stop watching them, Im afraid I’ll miss something”. They just make me happy and even though its fall they will have to do. The cake will be four tiers and 4 different fall-esque flavors; pumpkin spice, maybe a carrot cake or maple something or other. Fun fact: it wont include walnuts because I’m allergic. So that all I have for now on the wedding front.

We got some of the engagement pictures back. Just as I thought, we weren’t happy. Jonah does not want to use her for the wedding and truth be told I don’t either. They aren’t horrible, just not great angles of us. I will post one or two here, our favorites. He wants to go get more engagement pictures and to be honest Im just not interested. We have so many other expenses with the wedding that the engagement pictures will just have to be left as is. We just wanted one or two to frame. Who knows, we haven’t gotten the whole cd yet, maybe there are some that we will like there.

Went to the doctor for a follow up on the cysts this week. All is well. She explained that every month a cyst will form and some will be bigger than others and the one that I had must have burst making it very painful but the tests that she did showed that everything was fine and that I wouldn’t need surgery or anything, Thank God! Really no pain either. She also was impressed with my weightloss since the last time I was there and even gave me a little help. With 4 months until the wedding it is one of the only things I can think of these days. The wedding dress isn’t even in yet and Im nervous how I will look in it. Its been so long since I tried it on, February 12th to be exact. I guess most girls say that though, since it takes so long to come in.

This weekend we have company!! Eddie, Beth, and my babies are coming to visit! Ed and Beth will go out on the town and I will play with the kids and Jonah will work. I can’t wait. I miss the kids. I haven’t seen them in a few weeks, and to be honest while staying tuned in with the Casey Anthony case, I just want to hold those kids tight and thank God their parents are great and sane… most of the time.
Anyway, can you tell our internet is down? I was bored and filled ya in on everything! I guess I should go clean and organize another room. Thanks for stopping by!