Saturday, December 1, 2012

One door closes and a new one opens

Whelp, I'm thirty years old.

To be honest, if you asked me a few years ago I was fairly disappointed that this milestone was coming up however now that its come its refreshing.

My twenties were heartbreaking and fun. I learned a lot about life, love, faith, and self-worth. Up until 26 it was rough. I struggled with a horrible depression and had a terrible time getting back on track. Twenty-six is when I was steered in a different direction. I genuinely get to enter my thirties happy. I feel like I have overcome and acomplished more than I imagined I would. I feel successful at work and happy at home.

Of course, I must celebrate the new chapter in my life with a to do list. If I'm not making a list I don't feel like I'm achieving. Ive come up with a few adventures and goals that I would like to try in my thirties. I will share the list here so that I dont lose it like I lost the last one.

Things to do in my Thirties:

Go hot air ballooning.
Grow a veggie garden
Learn how to and make a quilt.
Finish Kayla, Landon, and Lucas Baby Scrapbook and make it a regular thing again
Have a baby
Learn to knit and knit a baby blanket
Have a romantic picnic on the Mall in DC
Run a 5k
Take a surfing lesson

Start my own business on the side
Take a beginners Italian class
Pay off my debt
Get my license back
Get in shape
Buy a house
Drive route 66
Sky Dive

Watch a meteor shower
Go to Paris
Go to Venice again, this time with my Husband
Build a nest egg
Drive across the country
Buy a car
Stop feeling guilty

Send cards
Learn how to play BlackJack and play at a casino
Purchase my dream camera and get back into photography
Stay at a 5 star hotel
Go on an all inclusive vacation

That's where I stand right now. We'll see how far I get and I may add more or take some away. This is my list. 

You may be wondering what I did on my birthday this year. Well, we were suppose to be in in Florida but that didnt work out for us this time around. We decided to go see the family in Erie. Now that the children are there and I cant see them as often I miss them like crazy. I went to a day spa called Panache. It was awesome. I got the luxury package and was pampered all day long. I even got my anti-aging facial. I will post an after photo. I think it worked. 

After the spa we went to see my brothers band and found that they threw a surprise party. We had a lot of fun. I posted some photos on Facebook. The last time I celebrated with my family I was 21 and it was just as crazy this time around only this time I didn't drink nearly as much but had a blast regardless. 

My beautiful husband did a great job making the day really special. Despite the hatred I have for my birthday he did a fantastic job making it wonderful. 

I'm thirty, and for the first time in my life I can honestly say I'm at a good place. I wouldn't change a thing.



Monday, October 22, 2012

Big Fish

 Legacy is a factor that many use when making decisions. Some may be misguided but regardless everyone wants to leave something behind. I am no exception.

In my early twenties I went through a pretty dark stage. I was horribly depressed suffering from a broken heart and this ridiculous phase lasted a few years. During this time I saw a music video that had me change the course I was steering my ship. It was a My Chemical Romance music video for Helena. It was funeral. The music was emotional and there was this look in the singers eyes at the end of the video, it was the best way to describe how I felt on the inside. I was hooked.

For the next couple of years I found myself in different cities all over the US and Canada catching their show and trying to meet the band. I dragged friends and family to the show and had one hell of a time doing it. Up until this point in my life I felt so boring. I was so focused on pleasing everyone that I forgot to figure out who I was and what I wanted. This adventure made me feel alive and pulled me through the depression. Eventually the goal, meeting the band, became more than just 'meeting the band'. I wanted to know what I could accomplish, if I could actually meet this popular rock band. I thought, wow, someday this will make a cool story to tell my kids (legacy).

It took years. I started in 2005. I went to Warped Tour in Virginia Beach with my brother Eddie and sister in law Beth. I met up with a roadie I knew  and he walked me back stage one time. After that the security thought that I belonged backstage. I went back and met Fall Out Boy, I mistook them for roadies. I waited until Beth and Eddie met me back there, apparently security was very relaxed, and we met Frank. Beth and I took a picture with him. I was hooked. I now knew I could get this far, time to go big.

Highlights; 15 shows, backstage few times, took my mom to a show and while waiting out back the police were called on Mom and I, Kelly got me into the dressing room where I proceeded to take items including a perfectly good salad meant for Gerard, Kelly and I ate that salad for breakfast in the morning, Beth took her first flight with me to go to a show in a snow storm, I met Mandy in Vegas for a show and then we drove the desert for another, I won meet and greet tickets on the radio and gave them to my brother for his birthday (They were for Blink 182 and I have gotten him Blink tickets for years for his bday) and couldn't go so my Fiance (now husband) met the entire band all at once instead of me meeting each on at different time ( I had met everyone but Gerard, the Big Fish). Then lastly, Comic Con in New York.

Let me just say, my friends and family were awesome through it all. Dad was a little disturbed and Mom was constantly worried I would become a groupie and I loved keeping them on their toes.

Let me elaborate on the last highlight I mentioned, Comic Con New York. This year I bought my husband tickets to Comic Con for his 26th birthday. Twenty-six was a lucky year for me and for many other I know so I wanted to make it special for him. We were lacking sleep and I was sick when we arrived. I was trying to look cool and nerdy and YOUNG. I will be 30 this year and I wanted to go to this thing and sort of blend in. I did my hair and makeup. I wore my skull shirt, band hoodie, jeans, tutu, chucks, and pink highlights for my hair. But I kept looking at my face and thinking something is off. What is wrong with my makeup? I look old and tired.

We didnt let me feeling old and tired (and sick) stop us from exhausting ourselves even more. We had a great time. My husband is into it all. We explored comic books, art, costumes, movies, video games, anime, etc. The one thing we were going to attend for me was a signing with Gerard Way. I was looking forward to it and was also feeling self conscious. I was hoping to get a picture with him this time around and I knew I looked old and tired and would hate the way I looked in this picture but couldn't pass up the opportunity. The Big Fish.

Due to unorganized staff at the event I did not get to participate in the signing. But I did get to stand right in front of the table and watch/take a million pictures. I stood among all teenage girls and a few of their parents. I felt ridiculous. My husband is standing behind me and was happy to wait with me, even though he knew I would swoon over my crush.

He comes out. All the girls are crying, yes I said CRYING. Not me (for the record I have never cried over this band or any member of it). I was in awe. This guy represented a portion of my youth. I would normally be over the moon for this opportunity but it hit me like a ton of bricks, my Big Fish got old and tired just like me. Im too tired to chase and he looks to old to run. I laughed and thought, this is ironic. On the day that I feel so badly about the loss of my youth my Big Fish also lost his. The score was tied. I took my millions of pictures and looked at him like he was an old friend. I walked away that day, not bummed at all, but thrilled that I had each and every one of those experiences and mostly for this most recent one.

It's funny, I would have never imagined that this adventure would have meant so much to me. I hope my kids never attempt this. If my parents knew the details they would have never slept again. Makin' 'em proud... ha!

Anyway, we just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary!!! Plus as of this month we are working on starting a family. Stay posted.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Cancer sucks

This being Pediatric Cancer Awareness month has been a very sobering month for me. A friend of mine, who is also extended family, has a child with Cancer. Now, I’ve had a run in with cancer before, my older brother fought it a few years back. But since Becky, my friend, has been posting things about her daughter, Kinley, I have definitely become more aware. Kin is 12 years old and has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, a big scary name for a big scary disease.  When Becky posted little by little about how Kinley was doing I was always concerned but said a prayer and kept moving. But lately she has been having some toxicity issues with the Chemo. These stories are very scary for me, the adult across the country who is a friend and does not have cancer. I can’t imagine how Becky feels let alone Kinley.
This month Becky has posted so many facts about Pediatric Cancer. She has shared other kids Facebook pages and blogs. Everyday my heart breaks a little more. I wish I could magically cure them all. I wish there was a solution, an easy fix. I feel guilty for mentioning my crummy day because it certainly wasn’t full of chemotherapy or not being able to walk or forgetting my speech from the toxicity of the chemo. It wasn’t watching my child suffer or being asked to stay away from my suffering baby because the chemo could hurt me. My life is unicorns, sparkles, and butterflies compared to these children and their parent’s.
I started to like these suppose pages and found that daily there are children who “earn their wings”. Obviously, Cancer kills but somehow I thought there was a better handle on this craziness. There isn’t. Do you know how much of the research funds go to this cause? Well, let me start by telling you that 4.6 billion dollars of the federal budget goes to The National Cancer Institute. Breast Cancer gets 12%, Prostate Cancer gets 7%, and (here’s the kicker) all 12 of the major groups of pediatric cancers combined receives less than 3%. Where is the justice in this? These are kids getting cancer. I don’t understand.
Anyway, my heart has been so heavy on this topic. I feel like I’m being pulled on this one by God to assist in some way. I just haven’t figured out what I’m being asked to do.
On a different note, I think I am going to start a small business. Details to follow. Keep posted. I have a talent and I think I can make money doing it. Doing my market research on it and once I determine if there is a market for this then I will spill the beans!