At heart, still a little girl.

Marriage is tough and it begins with the wedding. I think it’s a test. If you can get to the big day without breaking up then you have earned your way into a marriage. My goodness this time has been trying. Last night we prayed together before bed and, aside thanking God for all the beautiful things he has blessed us with, we (tearfully) begged for a break. It’s exhausting. I, now, know why people take a honeymoon. Too bad that’s not in our stars. We knew by planning a wedding during my busy season my time off would be minimal.

Today I had a quiet moment. I was playing with my hair, just running my fingers through my hair. It felt so good, like when I was a little girl and my mom would play with my hair. It’s just so soothing. I missed the simplicity, being a little girl. As I was sitting there in a daze, playing with my hair, I realized that not a lot has changed. I am still a tough cookie on the outside but vulnerable inside, except now I feel like lace inside instead of jelly.

I still need my Moms opinion and reassurance. I still want my Dad to think Im the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. I still want a boy to know what color my eyes are and know all my favorite things. A boy who thinks Im pretty without makeup and in sweats. I want a little attention now and then. To be doted on for 10 minutes or so. I want to spin in a beautiful dress. I want to guess my future and believe it’s going to be exciting and bright. I feel like Im playing house.

Today I wore this outfit my Mom bought me and I feel so girlie and pretty in it. Just like a little girl. In tights, ruffles, lace. I think as I lose more weight I will do more of this. Become a little more vulnerable. Normally I am kind of frumpy. Maybe its time for me to be pretty.

I don’t remember dreaming about my wedding as a kid. I don’t think I ever played bride. There was a time when I was convinced I wouldn’t marry because I was afraid I would change my mind or I wouldn’t be a good wife because of my bouts of depression. I didn’t want to hurt anyone especially someone I loved enough to spend my life with. Walking away has always seemed easier then watching someone you love be destroyed and knowing you’re the blame.

Last weekend before the wedding. I have a very unrealistic to-do list especially since its all done via Metro and bus. Should be interesting. One of my friends from work and I are going to get our hairs did. Then we need to get Jonahs wedding band, grooms men gifts, shop for a new dress for the rehearsal dinner, get my make-up done and buy it so I can do it myself, work on the favors, work on the photographers list, work on the music list, work on the videographer list, pick up some of the girlie stuff… Just not enough time.

The flower girl dress better be at my door when I get home. So I order this beautiful dress in the beginning of August on etsy.com. It was a little pricey. It wll be custom made. Very cute. I was told I would get it in the middle to September. Its now October 7th. I told her it better be in my hands on October 7th and she said it would be… so I guess we will see. The scary thing is that I went to her etsy site and its empty now. She use to have pages of dress and now it looks like shes out of business.

Can I just say, its been the attire that has been the toughest and suckest thing this whole wedding. I cant seem to catch a break here. Easiest thing, baby tuxes. Those boys are angels! They knew they needed to be easy for Aunt Megan. Love them.
So, whats in Megans future after the wedding? Good question. Im going to pick a country we are visiting on our honeymoon and spend a month learning about them at night after work. I will be purchasing the rosetta stones and receipes, books,visiting museums on the weekends. I might even try taking Piano lessons on Saturdays. Finish the kids scrapbooks! Making a home with cool craft ideas. More time with my babies!

I wont miss the excitement of the wedding because I will have lots and lots to keep entertained. Let me just say that all of this will happen after I sleep for 48 hours straight and a spa day. That will be the mini vacay.

How ‘bout the boy wonder you ask? He just got a new job that he is absolutely fascinated with and is working his way to the top. He’s working long hours and weekends so that he can climb fast. He will make good money to save for his production company and a nest egg for us. He is doing really well over there and Im ridiculously proud of him, even though I miss him tons and tons. This is something that makes him feel really good about himself and they love him over there (not as much as I do).

I have included a picture of part of my staff and myself. They surprised me with a Bridal pot luck. Very sweet. Im the one in the crazy veil/glasses/ and umbrella. Enjoy. I certainly did. Great staff. I love the for their big hearts.
XoXo!
M

lessons learned

October has arrived. My favorite month is here and I have so much to look forward to now. The weather has chilled a little, my hoodies are waiting to be abused, and the leaves are starting to turn. I could not be more excited. Jonah loves October too. He likes the season and all the nostalgia it brings. Something about those brisk autumn nights brings out the creativity and romance in us all.

The bonfires, thick throw blankets, pumpkin spice everything. Ah Rocktober, how I love thee. Perfect for a sweater, some chucks, a snuggle, and hot apple cider. It is all love.

I think when God made Jonah for me he knew I would love him even more if his month of birth was my precious October. What a present I get every October until the end of my time, all of my favorite things all in one glorious month. My Grooms birth, my wedding anniversary, my October and its fixin’s. L.O.V.E.

Fifteen days. That’s what it has all come down to is fifteen days. Wow, what two weeks can do to someone. Its coming up fast now and Im ready. The last blog was a little sad I think. I had hit a rough patch. You know, in weddings, there can be more rough patches than you think.

There are people in your life and you may never know how much you mean to them. You may never know that the thought of you missing their wedding just boggles their mind. They cant even imagine you not being there and now that your not going to be there it is what they think of when their mind stops racing for a quiet moment.
There are things that people say, maybe with every intention of being funny, that make you so sad. You cant believe that they could say something so heartless and selfish even as a joke. I will remember to think before I speak, especially to those I love and to those who love me. I wonder if they could see the hurt in my eyes when they said those things or the breaking of my voice when I repeated what they said to make sure I misunderstood what they said. How about the look on my face when I realized I did hear them correctly.

Follow through. Don’t pretend to be dependable if you aren’t. I will not over extend myself when I know that its someone elses dreams at stake. Don’t make commitments you cant follow through on, even something small. You never know what that commitment will mean to someone or how offended they will be when you don’t do it.
I will never let anyone get in the way of me enjoying the people I love and seeing them the happiest they will ever be. No one will keep me from attending all the big beautiful things in life, like watching two people that I love celebrate their love in front of God and the world.

You can get through anything with enough sleep. When I was sleep deprived I have made some really dumb decisions and also lacked the patience that I require to handle the world. No amount of caffeine is equivalent to one good 8 hour night of sleep. Sleep is a cure all.

Though you may have someone on your top 10 priority list does not mean you are on theirs, and vice versa.

What if you woke up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday. Don’t forget to thank God daily. If it weren’t for God then I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here.
If it’s not about you don’t make it about you. There are just some things that you can’t be selfish about. Save the drama for yo’ Mama, not my Mama, Yo’ Mama! Look, drama is not my thing. The wedding is no exception. Some people love it, and that’s cool. Not me. I wont push my drama on others.

Lessons I have learned. There will be more before this whole thing is said and done but Im so thankful for these lessons. I feel so blessed that I have been able to take so much away from this experience. I will be better because of every piece of this celebration of love. From the drama to the unexpected blessings.

Im so happy and so in love. Someone once said that now that you are dating Jonah I have no idea who you are anymore. You’re not as cynical or sarcastic anymore. She said it because she was hurt but it was one of the best compliments ever. I was really depressed and unhappy and then I fell in love. I found someone that I could tell anything to and he would love me no matter what. I am so incredibly lucky to have found him and now to be marrying him.

Adjusting

17 days to go and the name of the game is Adjusting.

Everyone tells you that marriage is tough but rewarding. Jonah and I moved in together about 2 years ago. We did so because we were moving to New York, a dream for both of us, and couldn’t afford to live apart. I remember the first few months of that were tough, really tough. I took a job that required me to work late and we were in a new town and I had no friends or family there, only Jonah. I remember the range of emotions that I had encountered; loneliness, grief, homesickness, jealousy- just to name a few. Those were only my emotions, I can only imagine what Jonah was feeling.

Jonah had family in town, his best friend lived in town, but his parents were very upset that he moved out and that he moved so far away with a girl they weren’t sure would be good for him. He missed his dog, Muffy, so much. He had all of these aspirations to ‘make it big’ and put so much pressure on himself with deadlines. I know he was lonely. I know he hated his job. He had so much to prove to his parents.
Over time we started to figure out what did and didn’t work for us. Things that we wouldn’t change we learned to work around it. We had to adjust. Living with someone is a whole different world then just dating them. There are no more masks. You learn to shut up, put up or get out.

When I imagined what life would be like 17 days before the wedding I imagined how madly in love Jonah and I would be, lots of kisses and sweetness. When I was in New York I bought a million lovey post cards so that all the days leading up to our big day I could leave him sweet messages and surprises. I would not have imagined that Jonah would get a new job that caused us to see each other so little and tensions would rise in the D-Q home.

Jonah loves this new job. He feels really good about himself and he rocks at work. I’m really proud of him. His work has him coming in earlier and earlier and he works later and later and its getting…harder and harder. I chalk it up to bad timing. But he found something that makes him happy and after the wedding I have to believe it will get better. It just has to, we are a great team.

I don’t know why getting married, something so beautiful, has to be made so stressful. Im in a horrible mood. Im so stressed that my body is acting all crazy. Im taking vitamins and everything else! I haven’t been sleeping only having dreams about paranoia and murder. Go figure! I haven’t even been watching the crime shows and I have been skipping the wine before bed.

I have a lot left to do yet. I have had to cancel bridal showers due to craziness, bachelorette party due to my 1000 dress fittings. I have to work on the music, getting my photo ID replaced so we can go apply for the marriage certificate (good luck finding time to do that!), figure out the whole spray tan situation, go get my makeup done so I can learn to do it myself and buy what they put on, whiten my teeth, organize everything that needs to go with us, pack our overnight stuff for the trip, send out invites for the rehearsal dinner, buying Jonah wedding band, getting Jonah measured for his tux, gifts for the groomsmen and the parents and the kids, and more. Little stuff, but stuff that needs to be done. I still haven’t received some of the stuff I ordered in the mail, flower girls dress, garter belt set, my wedding gift to Jonah.

This weekend I am off to NYC again, Im picking up the dress finally. No more dress fittings. No more canceling things. Now Im on a mission, get the dress and get married. Seventeen days… a very LONG seventeen days.

XoXo,
M

Did you say 34 days?

If you're wondering what is going through a brides head 34 days prior to her wedding date I might be able to give you some insight. Keep in mind though, I might not be the "normal" bride, but who's really "normal" these days?

Let me start by saying that when you are getting married, no matter how easy going and drama free you are, it will find you. When brides I knew posted that status,
"we should have eloped", I'll admit I laughed and thought 'ah, cant be that bad!'. I was wrong. There have been a few moments where it was absolutely "That Bad". One specific time when I was standing on the Potomac river outside my work and was thinking, I want to swim home. Jump. Get lost. Then I realized that even when I get home the drama would be there when I get there.

Just gotta deal with it head on. I didnt expect all of it. Its one time in my whole life where Im allowed to think about myself. Where I can be a little selfish. I havent been forever. So when my closest friends and family members make my getting married about themselves it hurts. I've definitely figured out where I stand with a lot of family and friends at this point. After the wedding I have a feeling things will be different. Im keeping the peace, as always, but after the wedding I will remember whats gone on here. Just disappointed.

Last night I was making my "guest book". I guess I had imagined the cutting of hundreds of paper leaves to be a little bit more relaxing for me since I enjoy scrapbooking. My Cricut is missing its cord and so I had to buy a leaf cutter. To push this thing down was so tough. First of all it took about an hour and a half, a bottle of wine, and me kneeling on the floor to push it down with all my weight. It was really hard! Tonight I am sore! It was a workout! I kept thinking, "why the hell didnt I just buy this on Etsy". Jonah showed his support by telling me that in the future Im going to look at the art and know that I did it and I will love that i did it. Bah! I could have loved the one I bought too. Anyway, its going to be cool.

People start coming out of the woodwork! People you haven't spoken to in forever contact you and it is awkward. I had someone send us a wedding present that I hadnt spoken to in forever! We were so surprised. I had an old friends cousin contact me and urge to me to reach out to this friend which was totally awkward because the situation is complicated and its none of her business. So attempting to be nice and tell her buzz off was tough. Someone I use to work with and am FB friends with but dont keep in touch with kind of invited themselves. Very strange. Out of the woodwork.

The RSVPs. We sent the invites out pretty late. I didnt really think about how early I would need to let the cater know the number. So I thought I had plenty of time. Not the case. So I gave people about 2 and half weeks to mail the RSVPs back. I feel like that is enough time. But today was the due date and I havent heard back from about 50% of the people. Keep in mind there was an earthquake and a hurricane during this time and the mail has gotten messed up. Im going to have to email everyone now and make phone calls.

Due to drama I canceled all of the Bridal showers. I was really disappointed the way the whole thing worked out. I wont discuss it here but if you're reading this please dont think you didnt get an invite to one, I canceled them. There's a brunch in New York. Im looking forward to that and Im also having a bachelorette party.

There is drama with the bridal party but there always is I guess. One of my employees gave me some advice and I took it- do it yourself. I have asked people to do things and they dont get done and Im disappointed. Im just doing it myself. With about a month left in this journey, I dont have the luxury of making a wish on star and hoping that they get it. Good thing Im in the DC office and it lacks the attention that the NY one did.

I have to order my birth certificate. I lost it last cruise. It is crazy trying to order one online, at least I have really struggled. Cant get a marriage license without it. I finally asked Mom to grab one for me next time she goes back to the area. Just insane. Without that... the whole thing is a lost cause.

Just got to remember the goal has always been to be married to my best friend and in 34 days I will be!

Next weekend we're in New York. Second dress fitting. Looking forward to it.

I think I have gone on enough.

Once upon a time at Kleinfelds...

Once upon a time...

Kleinfeld Bridal called August 12 and said that the dress was in! The earliest weekend fitting date they said they could do was September 17th. As you know the wedding is October 15 so that would be cutting it too closely for my comfort. Luckily they had a cancellation for August 19 and I had taken the time off of work for some other wedding stuff. Everything happens for a reason.

My appointment was at 10am in NYC on August 19th. Mom came into town to go to the fitting with me on Wednesday. I was suppose to go get my hair done on Thursday night, dyed and prepped. We were ready to get out at 6:15pm and of course something went down and I had to stay till 7 and missed the appointment. That just sent me over the edge. I was so disappointment. I havent been able to get my hair colored in sooooo long and the color that it is now, I hate. I feel so unattractive. So getting it colored before the dress fitting meant so much to me. I went home on Thursday night feeling like a total brat because of how disappointed I was.

We had to leave at 4am on Friday to get there on time. We were all exhausted. It was a longer drive then I anticipated. We got there with about 30 minutes to spare. It was perfect. Jonah did a great job getting us to the city safely.

I went in with Mom to try on the dress and Jonah went to Union Square to hang out and wait for us. We got this fantastic seamstress, Anna. She was so sweet. As soon as she came in to the little waiting room with the dress I knew it was mine. It was like I could feel that it was my dress she was holding. What happens is all the seamstresses come out with the dress, call your name, and you go with them to their room. As soon as she entered I knew.

We went in to her room and I got to see my dress again and I was so excited to see "her". Yes, I just gave the dress a sex. Anyway, it was perfect. I tried it on and it was way too big. Mom could stick her entire arm down the back of my dress. It was a great feeling. I still have a lot of work to do but I was pleased thus far.

As soon as Mom saw me in the dress she started to cry. It was really sweet. It meant a lot. I knew that it looked amazing when she was so touched. Anna had to take it in a lot and as she was hemming it up at the bottom I started to feel a little weird. My feet were hurting and then I started sweating profusely. It was horrible. I didnt know where it was coming from. Yes, the dress is heavy and the lights were warm but it wasnt that bad. Then Anna asked me to take a few steps back and all of the sudden I started to feel dizzy. I had to take a seat.

As I was sitting there Mom had a panicked look on her face, apparently I lost all color, like I had a whole lot to begin with! I was going to pass out, the voices were getting tiny. Then I imagined passing out and vomiting or other bodily functions happening in this beautiful dress! That was enough to keep me there. I realized that in all the excitement I completely forgot to eat the breakfast I bought on the way. So Mom ran to get me a snack and Anna grabbed me a cup of water.

It took Mom about 5 minutes to grab the snack and by the time she came back I was out of the dress. As soon as I was well enough to stand Anna took me out of the dress and ended the session. I think she was nervous that I would pass out on her watch. I dont blame her. So we reschedule the rest of it for September 17 and the end of the day. I guess I wont forget to eat if its at 4:30pm.

So that was the first fitting experience!! I will attach a sneak peak...

XoXO!
M

69 days to go!!

Sixty nine days until I marry my very best friend. SIXTY NINE DAYS!!! That number evokes such joy..and PANIC! Is everything in order? Could I be missing something?

The things that are still up in the air;

Not all of the bridesmaids have ordered their dresses. It takes 2 months for the dresses to come in. On the 15th we will be at 2 months! We have 2 girls left to get their dress and one has dropped out because she couldn't get it in time.

Flowers for the bridesmaids. Mom is working on them. Im not too worried since Mom is on top of it but Im anxious to see how they turn out.

The cake. The wedding planner has yet to send me the pictures of what they can do.

The dress hasnt come in yet. Its not late but Im super excited to see it again and try it on. Ive lost a little over 30 lbs so far so I want to see how it fits and what I look like in it now. The first time I tried it on it was just a sample. So it didnt fit perfectly and now I just want to see it. I hope I still love it.

Expenses. Thank God we have help! But we still have quite a few expenses that we are budgeting out.

Does my registry look ridiculous? I have never done it before and it seems like there is a million things on there. We went by what all the wedding expects suggest! I hope people don't think we're greedy.

We have the showers coming up. We are really looking forward to seeing everyone.

Do I get a makeup artist? I think so. I need to look into it and see how much it will be.

Okay so enough wedding stuff. Now for an update.

Our apartment is really coming together. I have been yearning for a home. Its starting to look like that.

We are going to a concert this weekend. I wont meet and greet tickets for My Chemical Romance and Blink 182. I won them for Eddie and Beth. For Eddies birthday. Im so excited for them. Eddie has been such a fantastic brother and friend and I wanted something so nice for him! To actually "chill" with his idol. I am so happy that Beth is going to have this experience with him. She is such a great Mom to the kids and I want her to have something exciting and fun. Something really special. They mean a lot to me and deserve it. I made them promise to get something signed for me by My Chem and Blink for our rockstar room and LOTS of pics. It makes me so happy that I am able to give them this present.

Can I just take a moment to say that I am so in love. Jonah makes me want to soar! I am such a blessed and lucky girl. So so happy.

Alright,
Off to pick up my ring! Its in!!
XoXo,
M

Less than 3 months to go...

Let it be a dance we do. May I have this dance with you? Through the good times And the bad times, too. Let it be a dance.

What a great feeling tonight, sipping on the peach wine and enjoying the flowers growing on the deck. Nature brings me peace, Gods prints in it all. Thats why the garden wedding seemed most appropriate for us.

We've gotten a lot done so far. Today alone we accomplished so much. It was pretty exciting really.

*Tuxedos- I dont know ANYTHING about suits or tuxedos. NOTHING. So today I learned something. We ordered the vests and ties in Olive green and the little guys will wear tails and bow ties. My Dad will wear pink for me :) and Jonahs will wear green for him. Its gunna be fun!! Im really excited. Jonah is going to look so handsome. I cant wait to see him all dressed up.

*My Wedding Ring- We got a great deal. It happened to be on clearance and it was the one I really wanted. Jonah and I have decided to engrave the inside of the rings but it will be a surprise for eachother. We will find out on the day we wed. Lovely. I cant get the picture to show up.

*Vows- I finished mine! They arent long and not complicated. They are sweet and to the point. Cant wait to vow them to him in front of God and family/friends.

*Music- Uncle Jim is going to be the DJ and so we picked the songs we will have played for the traditional dances.

*Bridal Shower- I hear a date and location have been decided on. Pretty exciting. I suggested a zebra print cake with pink border and strawberry mojitos. Im really excited. The only problem is that we have moved a lot and have friends and family everywhere. Unfortunately its impossible to pick a place that is easy for everyone to attend. I just hope everyone can attend.

Other news thats not bridal-

*Our very loved son, Fuzzy, is sick. He is having some issues with his bladder. The doctor thinks it might be Kidney disease which we are really nervous about. He is on some medication and looks all doped up, poor guy. I am really concerned about him. He just crawls up on my lap and sleeps. Hes breaking my heart... and wallet! The vet is MAD EXPENSIVE!!! He is so worth it. Good thing Mommy got a raise! Thats all I got to say. He may single handedly postpone the wedding!haha. He is one of our babies and we are worried.

*Jonah and I have been doing really well on our diet/life style. Jonah has hit his goal!! Back to a 32 waist! And goal weight. Ive lost 30lbs so far. When we picked out the ring I had to keep asking them if they were sure about the size bc it was a size and a half smaller then what I normally wear. We are really happy. Much healthier than New York.


I have been really trying to make this apartment a home. We signed the lease again, kinda, and I want to make it home. We will spend our first year/ half year as newly weds here. Im in nesting mode, minus the pregnancy. We bought some stuff on craigslist and are trying to do this inexpensively. Its a start.